Should We Really "Keep Calm and Carry On"?

Here we are, election day, 2024. We’re all bracing for heightened emotions, difficult conversations, and a seemingly endless cycle of stress-inducing news. In times like these, there’s a strong pull to "keep calm and carry on," adopting coping strategies to maintain a sense of stability and calm. But is this enough? Are there limitations to this approach, and are there alternatives that might serve us better?

I was recently reflecting on how disingenuous it felt to tell others to engage in self-care and coping skills amidst such a tense time. I was reminded that there are other frameworks for understanding our mental health and wellbeing. One in particular called feminist psychology, emphasizes community, justice, and authentic expression as powerful tools for resilience.

The Benefits of Coping Strategies

1. Sense of Relief: Coping strategies like breathing exercises, mindfulness, or stepping away from social media can offer immediate relief when emotions run high.  

2. Increased Resilience: Practicing mindfulness or grounding exercises can build long-term resilience, preparing us for future stress. These practices can help create a sense of emotional “muscle memory,” making it easier to handle challenging situations with a calm, steady mind.

3. Self-Care: Coping strategies remind us to take care of ourselves, which is essential. Regularly engaging in self-care supports physical and emotional health, allowing us to maintain energy and focus when we most need it.

While coping strategies have clear benefits, they may fall short during more intense, prolonged periods of societal stress—like the polarizing atmosphere that is surrounding this election.

The Limitations of "Keeping Calm and Carrying On"

1. Suppressing Valid Emotions: Feminist psychology reminds us that emotions like anger and anxiety are often valid responses to societal injustice and inequality. "Keeping calm" can sometimes discourage us from engaging with these emotions, leading to suppression rather than processing or channeling them constructively.

2. Isolation and Individualism: Coping strategies are typically personal practices, like meditation or journaling. These can inadvertently reinforce a sense of isolation by focusing inward rather than outward. Feminist perspectives encourage collective action and community, emphasizing the value of shared experiences and mutual support.

3. Oversimplification of Complex Issues: Merely coping can overlook the broader societal and political context that’s often at the root of our distress. Viewing stress as an individual problem rather than a shared societal issue can create a false sense of responsibility, making us feel that if we can't "keep calm," the fault lies with us alone.

4. Bypassing Action: Coping without addressing the root causes of stress can foster complacency, discouraging people from advocating for change. For example, "carrying on" can inadvertently support the status quo, making it easier to overlook injustice or inequality.

Alternatives Rooted in Feminist Psychology

1. Embrace Emotional Authenticity: Instead of just coping, feminist psychology encourages embracing all emotions, including the so-called “negative” ones. This might look like acknowledging your anger or frustration as valid responses to the world around you. Rather than suppressing these feelings, exploring them can help reveal what matters most to you, fueling purpose-driven action.

2. Engage in Collective Action: Community support is a central tenet of feminist psychology. Building a sense of solidarity with others who share your values can be incredibly empowering. Instead of trying to carry on alone, consider joining community discussions, activist groups, or even informal support circles. This type of collective action validates your feelings and connects your personal experience to broader social issues.

3. Practice Critical Reflection: Feminist psychology advocates for questioning societal norms. In this case, we can ask ourselves why we feel pressured to "keep calm" in the first place. Is it to fit into an ideal of “good behavior” or to avoid uncomfortable conversations? Reflecting on these pressures can help dismantle the expectation that calmness is always the ideal response.

4. Take Purposeful Action: Rather than passively enduring stress, feminist psychology emphasizes empowerment through action. This might mean using your voice, voting, volunteering, or even educating others about the issues you care about. Purpose-driven action can help alleviate stress by transforming difficult emotions into something constructive.

While coping strategies have their place, particularly for individual self-regulation, they shouldn’t be our only approach. By combining self-care with community support, emotional authenticity, and purpose-driven action, we honor both our individual and collective well-being. In a society that often prioritizes calmness and compliance, feminist psychology reminds us that resilience also looks like standing together, speaking out, and allowing our emotions to fuel change.

As we navigate the stress of election season and beyond, let’s expand our toolkit to include both self-soothing and community-driven strategies. If you are interested in learning how individual or group therapy can help with the expansion of your toolbox, schedule a free 15-minute consultation call.

The Power of Gratitude and Connection

As I sit and reflect on my recent trip to The Lodge at Woodloch in Hawley, PA I am filled with immense gratitude for the experiences, connections, and insights gained. My time there offered more than just a relaxing escape; it was a reminder of the profound beauty that lies in nurturing ourselves and others through compassion, understanding, and intentional care.

The Power of Shared Experiences

During my presentations, which centered on boundaries, mindfulness and motherhood, I was reminded of how universal our struggles can be. I met a range of attendees who shared their unique stories and experiences, but a common thread emerged: the desire to live more authentically and with greater ease. We talked about steps we can all take to set healthier boundaries and ways to let go of perfectionism. The time shared here was made extra sweet by the time I was afforded to connect with family and make some new friends. These moments reinforced the idea of the power of community and connection.

Gratitude as a Practice

As a clinical psychologist, I know about the importance of gratitude, but being immersed in such a supportive environment encouraged me to deepen my own gratitude practice. I found myself appreciating not only the serene surroundings but also the time and energy of those who attended the workshops. I took a moment to reflect on my deep appreciate for everyone who made these workshops possible and for the willingness to hear the messages I shared. I found that each session was a dynamic exchange that made learning reciprocal and deeply meaningful. As a therapist, I also know that gratitude as a practice is most influential when we share it with others. I took the opportunity to acknowledge and am sharing it again now, my thankfulness for the opportunity, the people who made it possible, the folks who listened and participated.

Boundaries as a Gift

One of the focal points of my presentations was setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. Boundaries are an act of kindness toward ourselves and those we love, creating space for authentic connection rather than resentment or burnout. Seeing participants’ reflections and witnessing their “aha” moments filled me with a sense of purpose and gratitude for the work I am privileged to do.

Moving Forward Together

As I return home, I carry these experiences with me, inspired to continue creating spaces where people feel safe to explore, question, and grow. This weekend was a powerful reminder to pause, to reflect, and to feel gratitude for the journey we are on. Thank you to The Lodge at Woodloch and to everyone involved!

If you were not able to attend this past weekend, there are still several ways to connect with me and the content we covered:

1.      Join my Building Better Boundaries Group that will be starting next month and run through the new year. This group will focus on helping adults set healthier boundaries and live more satisfied lives.

2.      Follow me on Instagram (@LiveGoodEnough) where I post weekly mental health tips related to motherhood, mindfulness, and boundaries.

3.      If you are interested in connecting with me one-on-one, I would love to set up a free 15-minute consultation call. You can do that using the link here.

Self-care isn’t a Luxury

But it can be luxurious…

 Self-care is often portrayed as indulgent spa days or luxurious vacations, but in reality, it’s much more about intentional, everyday practices that nurture your well-being. As a therapist and yoga instructor specializing in maternal mental health, I’ve worked with many people who struggle to prioritize themselves amid life’s demands, especially after becoming parents. The truth is, when we consistently make time to care for ourselves—whether it's through mindful moments, movement, or simple acts of rest—we create the emotional and physical resilience to better handle the challenges life throws at us.

 This is something I’m passionate about, and I am really excited because this weekend I will be diving into these ideas more deeply during my upcoming presentations at the destination spa resort, The Lodge at Woodloch. I’m honored to be invited to the lodge, where they focus on creating space for individuals to reconnect with themselves in a serene, supportive environment.

 At the resort, I’ll be leading several sessions that center around holistic self-care practices, each designed to help you integrate wellness into your daily routine. For example, I’ll explore the psychological benefits of healthy boundaries, emphasizing how this can improve our relationships and overall wellbeing. I will also be sharing tools in each of my sessions that will help participants learn to regulate the nervous system, improve emotional regulation, and foster mental clarity. Whether you’re a busy parent or someone navigating the complexities of modern life, techniques like these can transform how you approach stress and prevent burnout.

 I’ll also be offering insights on nurturing self awareness and compassion, an often overlooked but essential aspect of self-care. As we practice being kind to ourselves, especially when life feels overwhelming, we develop greater resilience and the capacity to meet our needs without guilt or self-judgment.

 My time at The Lodge at Woodloch is about more than just taking a break from routine—it's about equipping yourself with tools to carry wellness into your daily life long after the retreat ends. I look forward to connecting with attendees, sharing strategies for lasting well-being, and fostering a deeper understanding of the intersection between mental, emotional, and physical health.

 If you’re attending, get ready for a rejuvenating experience that will remind you why self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s an essential part of living a balanced, fulfilled life.

 If you won’t be able to make it to the lodge this weekend, be sure to follow me on Instagram (@LiveGoodEnough) where I will be posting updates about my stay and a reflection once I’ve returned.

For more information about how individual or group therapy can be an important step in yourself care journey, set up a free 15 minute phone consultation.

Give Group Therapy a Try!

Wouldn’t it be great if getting appropriate mental health care was simple? As a therapist I can appreciate how challenging it can be to find mental health care and the obstacles around it.

Too often, when we sense that something is not right with our mental wellbeing, even though it’s not a crisis that requires immediate intervention, we tend to dismiss our symptoms. Maybe we’ve been experiencing unexplained, lingering sadness, or sudden, unprovoked bursts of rage. We tell ourselves that these episodes will go away on their own. That’s unlikely. But the effort to seek help can seem daunting.

I’ve heard people describe the obstacles. They are embarrassed to ask their friends for referrals to qualified therapists. Some people are wary because they don’t know what psychotherapy will involve. Others hesitate if therapists’ fees are not covered by insurance out of concern the fees may be unaffordable for them. And too many have had negative past experiences in therapy that turn them off from trying again. These concerns can paralyze people and prevent them from addressing treatable conditions such as anxiety, depression and other mood disorders.

Making It Easy

If these or other reasons keep you from seeing a psychotherapist, one idea to reduce some of those barriers would be to start with group therapy. Often when we think of groups, are minds go to those that focus on helping people process grief and cope with addiction. Yet, these are not the only areas of available support. There are a variety of group therapy topics, some very general, like “adult process groups” and others much more specific. Throughout my career as a therapist, I have run many groups across a variety of topics. Groups can often be less intimidating than one-on-one therapy, yet still very effective. That is why I decided to introduce a group to my therapy practice. In just a few weeks, I will be running a virtual group to help clients build better boundaries.

7 Benefits of Group Therapy

There are many benefits of experiencing psychotherapy in a group setting. Here are just a few:

Cost: For private paying clients, you can expect fees for group therapy to be significantly lower than for individualized therapy.

Time: Many group therapy sessions are organized to run once a week for about six or eight weeks. There’s no worry about making a commitment to therapy that does not have an end date.

Support: The presence of other people who are going through the same issues that you are can be comforting and inspiring. You’ll learn from the stories they share, and have a place to tell your own validated.

Focus: Group therapy often singles out key focus areas to improve. This can be a helpful first step or even an addition to more general induvial therapy you have sought.

Feedback: When you work with a group, you can measure your own progress as well as receive feedback from others, which many people benefit from.

Accountability: A good group will offer you the opportunity to hold yourself accountable for making the changes necessary to overcome your mental health issues. Just checking in regularly with others provides you with strength to be honest and the support you need to continue progressing.

Learning: As you work with your group leader and peers, you will learn new skills for coping, and you will gain access to resources you didn’t know existed.

If you’re struggling to decide about getting mental health care and think joining a group might be a manageable next step, I want to invite you to join the group I will be leading starting this November. Our “Building Better Boundaries” is a virtual group open to adults throughout the United States who would like support in creating healthy boundaries. This group is just in time for the holiday season, a time where stress can be at an all-time high, and boundaries are more important than ever.

For more information about this group, please visit the Group Therapy page on my website. If you are interested in enrolling, you can reach out via my contact form or set up a 15-minute phone call with me via Calendly.

Boundaries FAQ

Most of us learn early in life about boundaries. As children, we are taught to keep our hands to ourselves, color within the lines, and cover a sneeze with our elbow. Boundaries help us get along with others and establish appropriate behaviors. As we mature, however, societal boundaries can become more nuanced, and our responses more complicated.

In my practice, I often meet people who ask for help in setting boundaries in their relationships. They are tired of people pleasing tendencies are looking for ways to take care of themselves while maintaining the relationships they care most about. Following are some commonly asked questions and answers that could be helpful for if you are feeling like the above:

Q: What exactly is a boundary?

A: Boundaries are limits or rules we set to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior from others and help us maintain health.

Q: What is the benefit of setting boundaries?

A: It is essential to our happiness and well-being. Setting healthy boundaries helps reduce stress and anxiety, improve our relationships, and increase overall satisfaction in life.

Q: Why is it hard to set boundaries with our loved ones?

A: If we have people-pleasing tendencies, or we just want to keep the peace, sometimes we are not great at setting boundaries in our relationships. We may also predict others’ reactions to our limit setting and decide it’s not worth it before we even try. But setting firmer guidelines and limits will make relationships better. It leads to more trust and mutual respect in the relationship.

Q: What if the other person resents the boundaries I want to set?

A: When you set a boundary where one did not exist before, you can expect a big – and sometimes negative – reaction from your loved one. People don’t like how your boundary feels to them. It is a change, and it will take some getting used to. The transition time can be hard to tolerate – for everyone, including you. Remember you can’t control how someone else feels. Stick with it!

Q: How do I know if I need to set boundaries?

A:  Ask yourself what is working and what is not working in the relationship. What is causing you anxiety? What needs to change? Think about what you value and what goals you want to achieve.

Q: What is the best way to get started with setting boundaries?

A: Start by identifying your needs and wants. That will help you know where you need to set limits.  Communicate your boundaries with your loved ones and be clear about what you are asking for, and then be consistent in taking the action you have determined.

Q: Can you give an example of a boundary and how to communicate it?

A: Sure. Let’s say you’ve decided that you need 15 minutes of quiet time at the end of each day. Let your loved ones know that this is what you need and that you intend to observe the quiet time from 8 to 8:15 every evening. Explain that during that time you can’t attend to their needs and will not tolerate interruptions. You might say that this time is important to you because it helps you stay calm and focused before preparing for the next day. Use “I” statements to help communicate the importance of this boundary. For example: “I need this time to meditate and reflect,” instead of “you need to leave me alone for 15 minutes!” Then respect your own boundary and take the time you carve out for yourself.

Q: What happens if my loved ones don’t respect my boundary even after I’ve communicated it clearly?

A: Reiterate respectfully the boundary that you’ve set. If necessary, compromise on an aspect of the boundary, but stay committed to it. In some cases, it might be appropriate to include consequences for boundary violations. (Example: If I cannot have this uninterrupted time, I will remove myself from the house during that time so that I can get it.)

Q: How can I learn more about setting boundaries?

A: Consider joining a group of people committed to learning how to set boundaries, like the one I will be offering, Building Better Boundaries. For more information about my eight-week group on boundaries, click here.