The #1 Way to Reduce Your Stress

I recently shared a blog about how parents are under pressure to highlight the real stress parents are dealing with. In fact, recent research conducted by the American Psychological Association reports that more than half the parents in this country are overwhelmed by stress. And, according to the study, most suffer in silence. There’s a better way and I am going to tell you one of the most important things you can do to reduce your stress.

As a licensed clinical psychologist, I help perfectionistic, people pleasing, mamas set healthy boundaries. I have seen that setting boundaries is one of the most effective ways to manage stress. Boundaries can help you focus on what's important and can aid in minimizing stress. By saying no to things or at least taking more time to give a response we give ourselves time to pause, reflect and regulate which can help reduce stress and anxiety.

So, what are boundaries?

Simply put, they are limits or rules we set to protect our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. They define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior from others and help us maintain our own health. (PS. Boundaries are not a way to control other peoples’ behavior, they are meant to adjust how we respond and behave).

How do you know if you need to set boundaries? Ask yourself these questions:

·       Do I feel resentful when people ask too much of me?

·       Do I feel upset because it feels as if I’m doing more for others than they are doing for me?

·       Do I agree to do things that I’d rather not do or regret saying yes to?

If the answer to any of these questions was “yes”, then there is a good chance you need to start setting some more boundaries.

Setting boundaries is often easier said than done though. Why is it so hard to set boundaries?

Setting and enforcing boundaries can be difficult for a variety of reasons. We often learn about boundaries from our early life experiences, particularly through family dynamics, cultural norms, and social interactions. The way our caregivers respected or violated our personal space and needs often shapes our understanding of boundaries. These patterns typically continue into our adult relationships and inform how we set and uphold boundaries. That early childhood experience is usually the difference between people who set boundaries easily and those who need more practice.

So, if you fall into the camp of needing a little more practice with setting boundaries, I want to offer you a beginners guide for boundary setting.

If you suspect you’re under stress caused by taking on too much, consider practicing with a boundary that’s easy to communicate, is somewhat low stakes but is meaningful to you. For example, establishing “quiet time” for yourself.

·       Start by telling the people in your family that you are feeling stressed, and you need to start implementing “quiet time.”

·       Tell your family when you plan to take this break. Be specific. Tell them what day and time or how frequently you plan to do this.

·       Start small- try 10 or 15 minutes at first

·       Let your family know that during this time, household and childcare duties will need taken over by someone else

·       Follow through and actually take the break. No one will ever learn to respect your boundaries if you don’t even take them seriously

·       Reflect on how it felt to set a limit and take time for yourself

At first, setting a boundary and sticking to it will feel unnatural. You might be afraid of coming across as mean or heartless. You may feel guilty for making another person feel uncomfortable. Remember that these feelings are normal and to be expected. Know that setting boundaries can be the kindest thing you can do for yourself and others.

If you are interested in learning more about setting boundaries, lets connect:

1.         Follow me on social media (@LiveGoodEnough) where I frequently share tips for moms about healthy boundaries

2.         Join me at the Lodge at Woodloch where I will be a guest speaker on October 25th

3.         Reach out and set up a free 15-minute phone consultation and see if therapy might be the next step in your boundary setting journey