Preparing for Birth Means Preparing Your Body and Your Mind

There is so much preparation that happens before having a baby. You research the car seat, set up the nursery, make a registry, figure out what you're bringing to the hospital, and probably spend more time than you'd like to admit comparing strollers. Somewhere in there, you also start thinking about the actual birth. What do I want labor to look like? Do I want an epidural? Who do I want in the room? What happens if I need to be induced? Should I have a birth plan?

These are all important things to think about, but I think sometimes we focus so much on preparing for what is going to happen during birth that we spend less time preparing ourselves for how we are going to move through it.

Before having my son, I had already spent years working with women during pregnancy and postpartum. I had talked with moms about births that went exactly as they had hoped, births that looked completely different than what they imagined, and everything in between. One of the things that experience taught me was that preparing for birth isn't only about knowing what you want to happen. It's also about understanding your body, knowing your options, preparing for uncertainty, and having tools to help you cope with an experience that is both incredibly physical and emotional.

Then I went through the process of preparing for my own birth, and that became even more apparent to me.

Now, as a perinatal psychologist in New Jersey and through my collaboration with pelvic floor physical therapist Dr. Alyssa Banks, I've been thinking even more about what comprehensive birth preparation can look like. Birth is a physical experience, but it is also very much a psychological one. I think our preparation should reflect both.

Preparing for Birth Without Trying to Control It

One of the things I thought about a lot during my own pregnancy was the difference between having birth preferences and having a birth plan. I intentionally used the word preferences because I knew there were things I wanted and decisions I could make ahead of time, but I also knew there would be parts of the experience I couldn't predict.

My work in perinatal mental health had already shown me how complicated this can be. I've worked with women who felt really good about their birth experience even though it didn't go exactly as expected, as well as women who struggled afterward with disappointment, grief, anxiety, or even trauma related to how their birth unfolded. Sometimes what was particularly difficult wasn't simply that the birth changed course, but that they felt unprepared for the possibility that it could.

That doesn't mean we shouldn't have preferences or advocate for the birth we want. Quite the opposite. Learning about your options and thinking about what matters to you can help you feel more informed and involved in your care. But part of birth preparation can also be thinking about how you might cope if something changes.

There is a balance here between preparation and control. We can prepare thoughtfully without convincing ourselves that enough preparation will allow us to control every part of the experience.

Preparing Your Body for Labor and Birth

The physical side of birth preparation is something I think many women know exists but don't necessarily know much about until they're pregnant. We spend months watching our bodies change, but that doesn't automatically mean we understand what our pelvis, pelvic floor, and the rest of our body will actually be doing during labor and delivery.

This is one of the reasons pelvic floor physical therapy can be such an important part of preparing for birth. Learning about your pelvis and pelvic floor, labor positions and movement, perineal preparation, and ways to work with your body can make the physical process feel a little less unknown.

There is also an important connection between the physical and psychological experience of labor. Fear can create tension in the body, and tension can influence how we experience pain. Understanding the fear-tension-pain cycle doesn't mean that you can simply breathe your way out of labor pain or that there is a “right” way to give birth. It means recognizing that our bodies and minds aren't operating separately during birth.

This is an area where I especially value collaborating with pelvic floor physical therapists. In my work with pregnant and postpartum women, I am often focusing on anxiety, expectations, coping, identity, and emotional preparation. A pelvic floor therapist is looking at the physical side of that same experience. Bringing those perspectives together gives women a much fuller understanding of what they are preparing for.

A comprehensive birth preparation class should do the same. It should help you understand what your body may experience during labor while also giving you tools to manage the emotional and psychological parts of birth.

Mental Preparation for Birth Matters, Too

This is the part of preparing for labor and birth that I naturally think about the most because of my work as a perinatal psychologist.

Birth involves uncertainty, vulnerability, pain, anticipation, and sometimes decisions that need to be made when you are already physically and emotionally overwhelmed. Even someone who typically handles stress really well may find that birth asks something different of them.

I've seen this professionally many times, and it was something I thought about when preparing for my own birth as well. I knew that when I become anxious, having more information generally helps me feel grounded. I also knew that there was a point where gathering more information could become an attempt to control something that simply wasn't entirely controllable. Part of my own mental preparation was figuring out where that line was for me.

This is also something I talk about frequently with the moms and moms-to-be I work with. What happens to you when you become overwhelmed? Do you want more information or less? Do you tend to shut down? Do you become very focused on finding the “right” answer? What helps you feel grounded when your thoughts start racing? How do you want someone to communicate with you when you're scared?

Those questions aren't only relevant during birth. They tell us something about how you cope with stress in general, and thinking about them ahead of time can help you understand what you might need during labor.

Breathing, grounding, mindfulness, coping statements, movement, and other nervous-system regulation strategies can all be practiced before birth. The idea isn't to collect another long list of things you're supposed to remember. It's to have a few familiar tools available so that when things feel intense, you're not trying them for the first time.

A Birth Plan Isn't the Same Thing as Feeling Prepared

I like birth plans. Or, as I've already mentioned, birth preferences. I think the process of creating one can encourage women to learn about their options, think about what's important to them, and have conversations with their providers before labor.

But I don't think having a beautifully organized birth plan automatically means you feel prepared for birth.

In my work with women postpartum, I've seen how difficult it can be when there is a big gap between the birth someone prepared for and the birth they experienced. Sometimes there can be a feeling of, But I did everything I was supposed to do. Why didn't it happen the way I planned?

That is one of the reasons I think flexibility belongs in birth preparation. Not because you should expect something to go wrong, but because you deserve to feel equipped to participate in decisions even when circumstances change.

What questions could you ask if a new intervention is recommended? What are your options? What matters most to you if your first preference isn't possible anymore? Who can help you advocate for yourself if you're feeling overwhelmed?

Thinking about those things ahead of time doesn't take away from hoping for a particular birth experience. It gives you more ways to feel supported if the experience changes.

Preparing Your Partner or Support Person

Another piece of birth preparation that I think deserves more attention is preparing the person who is going to be there with you.

We often tell partners to “be supportive,” but that's pretty vague advice. And when you're in pain or overwhelmed, it may be difficult to explain in that moment exactly what you need.

I've had many conversations with women in my practice about how differently people respond to stress. Some people want reassurance and physical closeness. Others want information. Some need quiet. Some want their partner to speak up and ask questions when they're having trouble processing what's being said.

This was something I thought about with my husband before our son was born as well. We talked about my preferences, but we also talked about how I tend to respond when I'm anxious and what I might need from him if I was having difficulty advocating for myself.

Your support person doesn't need to become your therapist, doula, or medical provider. But they can understand your preferences, know some of the tools you've practiced, help you ask questions, and recognize when you may need a little more support. Those conversations are much easier to have before you're both in the middle of labor.

Birth Preparation Should Include Postpartum

Having worked in perinatal mental health before becoming a mom myself, this was probably the part of preparation I was least willing to leave to chance.

Before my son was born, my husband and I talked about the signs and symptoms of perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and what we would do if either of us became concerned about my mental health. I was already in therapy. We thought about sleep and support. I knew who I could reach out to if I needed additional help.

That didn't mean I expected to struggle postpartum. I had simply spent enough time working with postpartum women to know that it's much easier to have those conversations before you're exhausted, hormonal, recovering physically, and caring for a newborn.

I've also worked with many women who tell me they spent so much time preparing for birth that they didn't really think about what would happen afterward. Pregnancy has a very clear endpoint, and birth understandably becomes the thing everyone is working toward. But your mental and physical recovery continues well beyond delivery.

Preparing for postpartum can include understanding what's typical emotionally in the first few weeks, knowing signs of postpartum depression and anxiety, talking with your partner about what to watch for, thinking realistically about sleep and support, and knowing where you would turn if you weren't feeling like yourself.

Preparing doesn't guarantee that postpartum will be easy. It simply means you don't have to start figuring everything out when you're already in it.

Looking for a Birth Preparation Class in New Jersey?

All of this is part of why Dr. Alyssa Banks of Alchemy Pelvic Health and I created our Body & Mind Birth Prep Workshop in Chester, New Jersey.

In our respective work, we each see a different part of the same experience. Alyssa helps women understand and prepare their bodies for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum recovery through pelvic floor physical therapy. In my work as a perinatal psychologist, I help women prepare for and navigate the emotional side of pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and the transition into motherhood.

We wanted to bring those pieces together.

During our intimate, two-hour workshop, we'll talk about preparing your pelvis and perineum for birth, labor movement and positioning, and the fear-tension-pain cycle. We'll also talk about mental preparation for birth, nervous-system coping tools, birth preferences and advocacy, preparing your partner or support person, and postpartum mental health.

Our goal isn't to teach you how to have the “perfect” birth. I'm not sure such a thing exists. Instead, we want you to leave feeling more informed about your body, more aware of how you respond emotionally when things feel difficult or uncertain, and more prepared to communicate what you need.

Because birth preparation isn't just about preparing for one specific version of how your baby enters the world. It's about preparing your body and mind for the experience you're about to move through.

Join Us for Body & Mind Birth Prep

If you're preparing for birth in New Jersey and want more than a traditional childbirth class, this is exactly why we created Body & Mind Birth Prep.

Join Dr. Alyssa Banks and me on Tuesday, October 6 from 6–8 PM at Alchemy Pelvic Health in Chester, NJ for an intimate workshop bringing physical birth preparation and mental health preparation together.

You'll leave with a better understanding of your body, practical tools you can draw from during labor, strategies for managing fear and uncertainty, guidance around birth preferences and advocacy, and a clearer idea of how your partner or support person can help.

Space is limited and registration is now open.

Reserve your spot for Body & Mind Birth Prep

Looking for More Individualized Support During Pregnancy?

Preparing for birth can also bring up anxiety, fear, previous experiences, relationship concerns, or other emotions that may need more space than a birth preparation class can provide. If you're looking for more individualized support as you prepare for birth, or you're struggling with anxiety or your mental health during pregnancy, therapy can be a place to work through those concerns and prepare for the transition ahead.

I provide individual therapy for women during pregnancy and postpartum, including support around perinatal anxiety, birth preparation, coping with uncertainty, previous birth or trauma experiences, and the transition to motherhood. If you'd like to learn more about working together, you can reach out to schedule a consultation.